Trump Tragedies features American workers whose lives were destroyed by Trump and his extremist policies. Testimonies submitted to AFGE are edited for clarity and length.
I have been a technical advisor in the Office of HIV/AIDS within the Global Health Bureau for the past three years. I started as an Institutional Support Contractor and was converted to a direct hire last year. I have strategically and intentionally built my career over the past 15 years, only to have it taken away in a few weeks.
Mass Chaos and Confusion
I was on TDY (tour of duty) when the first executive order (EO) cutting foreign aid was announced. Ironically, the country I was in (and is strategically advantageous for the U.S. against China) was celebrating the 75th anniversary of diplomatic relations with the U.S. government that same week. The EO led to mass chaos and confusion on the ground. My TDY was cut short, and I had to rush back home because of the stop work order. On my 22-hour flight home, I lost access to our shared workspace with the State Department and other agencies, and I watched thousands of my institutional contractor colleagues be terminated within hours– including the very same that had trained me when I was first on-boarded.
Psychological warfare
Personally, I have been a wreck the last month because of this psychological warfare – [OMB Director Russell] Vought has succeeded in traumatizing us. Since all this started, I’ve had no sleep or rest as emails reign terror in the evenings and weekends, and failure to respond can result in loss of system access.
I worry about being able to pay my mortgage, student loans, and credit card bills. Unemployment payments will not be enough to cover my mortgage. I wonder how much unemployment D.C. can handle – the system was not built for this. The stress of knowing how harmful this is to millions around the world has caused a tightness in my chest, panic attacks and I regularly feel sick to my stomach. The lack of mental stimulation and having my livelihood taken away overnight has made it hard to find any joy with family, friends and neighbors, or be a contributing member of society. I feel dead inside, and the continued chaos has made it impossible for me to move on with my life.
USAID changes lives
When I first started at USAID, the level of impact of our work both excited and alarmed me. I could feel how working with our Missions, Ministries of Health and civil societies improved the lives of millions. I could see programs and policies change in real time because of the U.S. President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief (PEPFAR) and have heard hundreds of impact stories from those receiving PEPFAR services that will stick with me for years. These include the mothers who were able to deliver healthy, HIV-free babies, young people who can continue their relationships without fear of transmitting HIV to those they love, and individuals reunited with their families and welcomed back into their communities after being ostracized and stigmatized. The U.S. government should be proud.
As cheesy as this sounds, I have always held the sentiment that “With great power, comes great responsibility” because this job is impactful. It is what gets me through regular 60+ hour weeks, which often include staying up until 1 or 2 a.m. to coordinate to Missions on the other side of the world, while still waking up at 7 a.m. to start a normal workday. It is what gets me through the frequent tour of duties even though it occasionally takes a toll on my own health, and I have missed birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, important life events, quality time spent with family and friends and spent out of pocket costs on daycare. I legitimately enjoy what I do and am purposefully driven, so much so that I have nearly all my travel comp time and vacation days unused, despite ‘use it or lose it’ policies.
I know others I work with feel the same way, whether they are based in Washington D.C., at Missions worldwide, or are our implementing partners. Instead, this administration has called civil servants like me lazy, unproductive, partisan and radical, and has repeatedly spread numerous lies about USAID and dismantled our agency and website that would combat any misinformation.
False claims against USAID
To say that USAID operates as an independent agency, and that our foreign aid is not aligned with American interests is dishonest. In my role, I have responded to multiple inquiries from bipartisan members of the House Foreign Affairs Committee and Senate Foreign Relations Committee – I am proud to share our work.
Our budgets are annually set by Congress with earmarks for specific countries and programs by the State Department. Each country has a U.S. government interagency Country Accountability and Support Team (CAST) at headquarters, and each country conveys their progress, achievements and challenges at quarterly PEPFAR Oversight and Accountability Response Team meetings to the CAST. We have annual Operational Planning meetings to coordinate and align stakeholder interests across USG, foreign governments, and civil societies. USAID, and especially PEPFAR, has always been tightly controlled by Congress and the State Department. There is recognition that PEPFAR provides lifesaving humanitarian assistance through the State Department waiver, of which USAID implements approximately 50% of programming. However, all actions taken by this administration continue to undermine any resumption of PEPFAR’s lifesaving humanitarian assistance. Instead, we have been receiving threatening emails to “correct the false narrative” that lifesaving humanitarian assistance was never paused, and that saying so would result in termination.
The past two weeks, I have coordinated with Missions to ensure compliance that all PEPFAR activities would only include those that fall under the waiver, but with no budget, no funding, and no staff, and no leadership, how are life-saving activities to resume?
While [Secretary of State Marco] Rubio and [Deputy Administrator-designate Peter] Marocco are saying one thing, the DOGE bros are charging ahead with their own agenda and zero oversight. There is no information on how long administrative leave is, whether benefits will be retained upon termination, or whether RIF processes will be followed.
Dismantling USAID hurts people, both here at home and abroad
This past year, the U.S. government had an agreement with the Global Fund and manufacturers to launch long-acting HIV prevention products, one that could prevent HIV with just two injections/year. This was supposed to be a game changer for the global HIV epidemic. It would have contributed to sustainable HIV epidemic control and would have reduced the reliance on foreign aid over time as the number of people living with HIV decreased over time. Not only are we allowing the HIV epidemic to grow out of control with this senseless pause, but we are also backing out of another agreement made with an American manufacturer that is resulting in the loss of lives, a loss of profit and a loss of jobs in the public and private sector.
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